A total holy crap moment…

…or, why I almost vomited on Canada Day.

It was just after 7am on Canada Day. As I usually do, I checked my mobile to see what was going on the world. And then it was there.

An email.

And my gut recoiled.

And then I started crying.

The email said a lot of beautiful things and ended with this,

Thank you so much for your words. They have lifted me. I’m really grateful.

And to that reader, I am grateful to you. Your email lifted me. It was then I realized the article I submitted to the Huffington Post was published and LIVE.

And then I almost vomited.

So much of me. So much was out there. Why did I do it? Bare my soul and share it with the interweb? I did it because women like me don’t often tell their story. It needed to be told. And proof of that was in the beautiful email.

So now, some context. I wrote this piece in December of 2012. I remember the day vividly. It was the moment I decided to turn a corner, to start wishing for me. (read the full piece here).

It was the day I took a stack of Moleskin day planners and kicked them to the curb. It was the day I would stop tracking for ‘what if’ and starting making plans for ‘what now’.

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Three weeks after that, I launched this blog.

It took me 18 months to share that story with anyone other than my DH. And the reason I can share it now is because I am no longer in that dark place. I am no longer searching for the light. It’s been 18 months of new wishes.

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I have had an outpouring of support from friends and family. Strangers have emailed me and reached out via social media to express their thoughts and feelings. My cup runneth over. I am humbled.

Thank you:)

12 Comments

  1. by Tracey Tabone on July 3, 2014  8:45 am Reply

    Heather, you are amazing. What a beautifully written, emotional and thought provoking piece. It brought tears to my eyes instantly. You have such a talent for writing. Thank you for sharing your hardships with the world.

    • by Heather on July 3, 2014  11:04 am Reply

      Thank you so much for the kind words Tracey:)

  2. by Jen on July 3, 2014  2:23 pm Reply

    A beautiful post Heather. I am one of those women who is still wishing but if the time comes I need to get off that road, I hope I can find as much strength and courage as you have shown.

    • by Heather on July 3, 2014  3:10 pm Reply

      Thank you so much for the kind words Jen:)

  3. by Jo on July 4, 2014  12:51 am Reply

    Heather I want to thank you for such a beautiful piece. I too am in your situation. I found your article through a support group for childless people on fb, one of the ladies had shared it. It bought tears to my eyes & I was nodding my head along with everything you said. It helps so much just to know there are people out there who are like me & you. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. xx

    • by Heather on July 4, 2014  7:07 am Reply

      Thank you so much for your note Jo:) I am so grateful for all those support groups - they helped me immensely. thinking of you:) xx

  4. by Lindsay on July 5, 2014  2:22 pm Reply

    Heather, I read your post on a forum I belong to for women struggling with infertility. I've had a rough time this week as my first IF treatment turned into a negative for me. Your blog brought me to tears as you wrote exactly what so many of us feel but cannot express. You write beautifully and thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you all the best in your future.

    • by Heather on July 5, 2014  10:20 pm Reply

      Lindsay. ...I am so grateful for your comment,thank you:) I wish you nothing but the best, and who knows what " the best" is.... But you will find it:)

  5. by Anne on July 17, 2014  8:28 am Reply

    Thank you for your post - you have written so eloquently and helps with my own moving on journey. "I must stop wishing for you and begin wishing for myself"

    • by Heather on July 17, 2014  6:35 pm Reply

      Thank you so much for your kind words Anne:) wishing you wonderful things:)

  6. by Christine on October 7, 2014  11:03 am Reply

    Oh, Heather! You have no idea how much your words help with other women's journeys. Myself included. I've also written a few posts that have made me wince at the thought of having clicked that "publish" button. So much out there. It can leave one feeling very vulnerable. There is a sense of a release in doing so though. It's cathartic. Thank you for always being someone who supports others. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    • by Heather on October 7, 2014  11:21 am Reply

      thank you my friend:) I'm lucky to know you and call you that:) #wearenotalone

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